How we beat the heat in Australia. Ice cold can on a warm belly.
sometime in the future
- old me: ah yes I remember the Great Skeleton War of 2014.
- grandchildren: grandma that never happened.
- old me: it was a long war.
- grandchildren: grandma please stop we've talked about this.
- old me: the only way to end it was to make a treaty with the skeletons.
- grandchildren: grandma
- old Me: and that's why humans have skeletons inside them.
- grandchildren: gRANDMA PLEASE
so today, my friend Tyler went to Publix. he noticed that there was a promotional sale for Sun Drop, because like no one here buys it, and they were selling them for like almost 6 cents a bottle.
so naturally, Tyler bought over 600 bottles.
it took 3 cars to transport all of the Sun Drop, and he currently has 70 in his garage, 70 in his room, and the rest is stored at another friend’s house.
without the discounts, his purchase would have added up to $935.
he spent $34
Once you start dating someone its like, impossible to insult them
"suck my dick" ok
“bite me” hell yeah
"kiss my ass" sure
"Fuck you" well if you insist.
"my mother was right about you, you’re pathetic, you’ve got no job, and you’ve got no future" if you insist